By Brother Brian Shimer

In many ways, my childhood left me in a dark corner. Indeed, for decades, when feeling upset, I would get a brief picture in my head. It was of this little boy, curled up alone and crying in the corner of a darkened room. For years, I hated that image. I thought, with it, I was just feeling sorry for myself, filled with self-pity! And had been told many times as a child, I acted like that. In high school, when I was a sophomore, Susan, a senior, stepped from the Art Building and greeted me with joy saying, “Hi Brian, how’s life?” Her question stopped me. Life? I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know what she meant. For in my heart, life was a dark jumble.  

That memory fragment of that boy curled up in a corner was eventually a doorway into the years of abuse that lay buried within. And that little boy, as I later discovered, was me.

I was raised, baptized, taught about Jesus by Mrs Lawrence in my Sunday School class and was also sexually abused in my childhood church. Although I had heard lots about Jesus, I had not encountered him. And as you know, as Jesus told Nicodemus in John 3, life with Jesus takes an encounter.

Certainly, I can look back now and see God was at work in my young life. But at the time, I was in such turmoil emotionally, it was as if I was blind and deaf. So, he brought me through some stretching experiences.

One of those, in 1978, involved selling Bibles and educational books door-to-door in Newton, IA, the summer after my first year of college. So many of those dear people in Newton asked me before I could start my spiel, “Are you saved? What’s the date and hour?” These questions shook me. I didn’t know the answers.

I called mom on a payphone near the Newton Laundromat and asked, “Did Pastor Al ever talk about salvation at church?”

“Of course he did,” Mom told me. “Where have you been?” Another question, I couldn’t answer.

I knew I wouldn’t survive selling Bibles all summer without knowing the answers.

Some Baptist friends in Newton told me how to talk to God. So, on May 23, 1978, at 11:23 pm, I knelt on the cold, dark-brown linoleum floor in my PJs by my archaic single bed. I prayed simply explaining my dilemma and Jesus took me up on that heartfelt request. With that prayer, Jesus had me.

The next day, Jesus began to lead me in my work that summer. I heard Him speak in my heart for the first time and began to follow. “Child,” he would say, “offer this family four of the Bibles.” So, I did and they bought them. But to another family, I heard, “Tell them there is a less expensive Bible at the local bookstore for $12.99. They need that one.” So, that is what I told them. By the end of that first week, my sales were the highest in our division.

That’s how the daily walk of listening and following Jesus began.

“And the sheep recognize the voice of the true Shepherd, for he calls his own by name and leads them out, for they belong to him” (John 10:3 TPT).

And Jesus has continued to speak to me over the decades leading me into jobs, ministries, new locations, and changes in vocation. He’s incredibly faithful.  

In addition, God used many, many people to model new, healthy relationships to heal the hurtful ones. Through these new brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers, God re-parented me. Many of these people were connected to the Christian Ashrams I began to attend in my 20s. Slowly and faithfully, God accessed and healed the layers of abuse. He was super patient. I was a decades-long project with lots of brokenness to unravel. And through the process he prepared me to help others find freedom and healing from trauma and abuse.

Now, apparently, I am one of the healed ones. God has taught me answers to many questions. And He sends others to me, when they need a dad or have questions in their lives.

I was traveling by plane to California in February, and a young woman, 30, seated across the aisle and a row behind me, overheard my conversation with the man across the aisle from me. She came up to me after deplaning and said, “This is taking lots of courage, but would it be possible to meet with you after we are both back in the Portland area? Based on what you said, I have lots of questions.” We shared contact information and now are good friends. God has given me the privilege of pouring into her life, answering the questions which had her stuck in the faith. It is beautiful to watch her begin to fly.

“Son,” Jesus whispers, “I have great plans!” Come, friends, let’s follow this One into His beautiful future.